Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

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Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Jason Shadow on Sat Feb 09, 2013 12:29 am

Inspired by this list.



1. I am not allowed to make a Hippogriff with the Archlich destiny simply so that I can turn myself into a 1/day high-velocity missile.

2. Even though it says "a magical instrument of your choosing", I may not pick a pipe organ for Rock and Roll All Night.

3. Not allowed to use the baby dragon as a Zippo lighter. No, not even after Applejack already did.

4. A foal is not small enough to be absorbed using Inkbound Item.

5. I cannot have a cutie mark in Winning.

6. No, I can't have a cutie mark in Losing, either.

7. The above also goes for Mediocrity.

8. When playing a zebra, I cannot choose "Racial Slurs" for my unique way of talking.

9. The DM is not a valid target for Maddening Mockery.

10. Not allowed to convince the other PCs to choose the boon A Place of Your Own for the express purpose of opening a bordello.

11. The Master of Madness destiny is off-limits for me.

12. For that matter, the Laughter element is off-limits for me, too.

13. I cannot choose "internal organs" as the object for the Found It! utility talent.

14. Under no circumstances may I sneak into the griffon's tent at night, stick an apple in my mouth, and coat myself in a honey glaze.

15. If I pick the Dragon Diciple destiny, I am not allowed to try to "bump off" my dragon mentor in order to immediately reach Level 10.

16. Princess Celestia's throne room is never a good place to use Spectral Tsunami.

17. Even with a Cutie Mark Critical, there is no skill roll high enough that would allow me to use Weather-Crafting to make it rain chocolate milk.

18. No matter how good or what methods used to create a disguise, I cannot impersonate any famous threat to Equestria and stage a "glorious return".

19. Not allowed to play a baby dragon if the campaign spends any length of time in the Crystal Empire.

20. If I kill the campaign's main villain, then I am not allowed to bring him back using Resurrection without a good reason.

21. While It's a Long Way to the Top gives me "a +20 bonus to skill checks made to seduce people", this does not mean "everyone, all at the same time".

22. No matter how good the reason or how integral it is to his backstory, my character does not have equinophobia.

23. I am not allowed to trick the campaign's main villain and a fellow party member into drinking a Love Poison.

24. The use of Poison Joke does not grant me a circumstance bonus to gourmet cooking.

25. Discord is never a valid partner for the Dynamic Duo destiny.



Anyone have more?

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Ramsus on Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:34 am

Haha, I disagree with #2 because pipe organs are awesome and I don't see what's so wrong with chocolate milk. Now... bits... that'd be a different story.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  SilentBelle on Sat Feb 09, 2013 3:01 am

Actually, I'd love to see the RP for number 23. In the right campaign that would be hilarious.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Stairc -Dan Felder on Sat Feb 09, 2013 3:23 am

I read this aloud in our live Living Legends game tonight. It was amazing.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Paper Shadow on Sat Feb 09, 2013 10:25 am

Jason Shadow wrote:21. While It's a Long Way to the Top gives me "a +20 bonus to skill checks made to seduce people", this does not mean "everyone, all at the same time".
Obviously you've never heard of a Shadowrun Pornomancer before...

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  thematthew on Sat Feb 09, 2013 11:44 am

Player: I summon a spirit of *******!

GM: For the last time, no. I don't even know why I let you play that kind of mage...

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Zarhon on Sat Feb 09, 2013 3:18 pm

#20 is actually quite a viable thing to occur in a pony tales campaign. They might be pissed for getting killed, but hey, second chance, right?

Adding a few more...

26. Not allowed to use create crazy contraption to create 12x12 large cube of semtex and an appropriate detonator.

27. Or any other explosive and/or radioactive material or substance.

28. Fruitbats may not be used as "emergency rations".

29. Even if used to feed the poor, needy, starving orphans and hobos.

30. Cannot use "call animal" to summon fruitbats, to serve as "delicious distractions" for other creatures.

31. Not allowed to take any of the animal-based utilities whilst playing a highly-carnivorous creature.

32. Cannot use the baby dragon as a lava raft, or tie him/her to such.

33. Cannot combine "more than he seems" and fire immunity racials to serve as a lava raft for the party.

34. Not allowed to use immovable, weaken substance, or strengthen substance on living creatures without terrible, terrible consequences.

35. Not allowed to use strengthen substance on myself to gain a bonus in seduction.

36. Cannot have a freaky knowledge in "everything", and "everypony".

37. Cannot have a freaky knowledge in "nothing" to gain a bonus from unexplained, random skill checks.

38. Cannot store magma or lava in my cheeks like a squirrel as a baby dragon, even if I have talents that allow me to do so.

39. Nor can I use a baby dragon as a lava-squirt gun.

40. Not allowed to kill creatures via any combination of seduction and fire/acid/thunder/iceborn racials.

41. Cannot store corpses on my person with "you don't know where it's been", even if they technically count as objects and non-living.

42. Cannot park my "fortress of doom"above Canterlot, and activate its terror effect, as a display of passive-aggression.

43. Even if I have a permit and legal right to do so.

44. Killing the local monarch and using the rockstar destiny to clear legal responsibility afterwards does not then entitle me to take their place.

45. Imaginary friends, illusions, or hallucinations are not valid targets for the dynamic duo destiny.

46. Breaking the fourth wall does not grant my in-character knowledge of higher sciences (such as nuclear physics or surgery), even if I have such knowledge out of character.

47. Conjurations do not gain healing priority over player characters in combat.

48. Cannot create s***storms with weathercrafting.

49. "Will the next word you say be 'no'?" or other paradoxees are not valid questions for "Twitchy Tail".

50. Not allowed to combine pinkie promises and mind/memory-altering spells, abilities, or substances.

51. Not allowed to make chain letters or spam mail with "Spike, Take a Letter".

52. Not allowed to use "immovable" whilst traveling in a train or similar large, fast-moving vehicle.

53. May not attempt to propagate the "underpopulated" alicorn race.

54. "Light Trap" may not be used to make griffons think it's night and fall asleep.

55. Killing a creature, using "speak with the dead", and then resurrecting them is in poor taste.

56. The element of honesty is not a paternity/maternity test.

57. Cannot use "Flame On!" to boost seduction checks.

58. Or indoors.

59. Cannot employ the "spectral steeds" in a bordello, or to create my own personal harem.

60. Not allowed to use Jinx! in any of the following: Hospitals, fast-moving vehicles, aircraft, gambling establishments, extreme sports events, museums, power plants...

61. I am forbidden from using howling chains on allies, or for recreational/entertainment purposes.

62. Cannot combine memory to mist and fracture the fourth wall to "forget" the handbook rules.

63. May not take the evolution destiny to evolve into a self-propagating, highly-invasive, parasitic, or similar ecosystem-unfriendly creature (e.g. alien).

64. Cannot use "the unseen" destiny to promote a ghost-extermination business, religion, or cult.

65. The "redshirt evil minion" will not offer itself to be cannibalized when its master is in danger of starving.

66. No longer allowed to combine large, transparent sheets of glass, "immovable" and "strengthen substance" to create near-invisible floating hazards for pegasi/griffons.

67. Especially during aerial races, or in cloud cities.

68. Cannot murder creatures by disguising oneself as an aerial vehicle with "more than he seems" and ejecting potential passengers from high altitudes.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Hayatecooper on Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:57 pm

69: I will not play a changeling just to make public officials look insane
70: Fracture The Fourth Wall does not allow me to use transformation powers on things I've seen as a player; aliens, humans, monsters
71: I will not attempt to use "A place of your own" to build a house out of Poison joke
72: A unicorns horn is not a fencing sword
73: Especially if it is on another player or NPC
74: No matter how high the roll on It's Witchcraft, I can not make a town tap-dance
75: Just because my character is capable of breeding, doesn't mean I'm allowed to create hybrids of pony and monster
76: I can not train my characters daughter in the art of thievery
77: Any Ancient Abomination children my character has can not "Eat the Souls of our enemies"
78: I am not longer allowed to sing on stage
79: Especially if I do a performance in real life imitating how bad my character is at it

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Greywander on Sat Feb 09, 2013 8:49 pm

80. I was not a changeling all along.

81. Nor was I secretly working for the villain all along.

82. Nor was the villain secretly working for me.

83. Neither were we in an equal partnership.

84. Running away from law enforcers cancels the effect of the Kindness element.

85. Kindness now has a minimum 1 hour cooldown.

86. Kindness does not give me a free pass to perform provocative gestures, insults, or bodily functions toward NPCs with no consequences.

87. When Kindness wears off, it is not the responsibility of my party members to deal with the result.

88. I can no longer activate Kindness while still performing an offending action.

89. I can no longer use Kindness on characters holding any sort of timed explosive whose fuse has already been lit.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Stairc -Dan Felder on Sat Feb 09, 2013 8:50 pm

90. "When using Inkbound Item, I cannot consider my wife as an item."

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Paper Shadow on Sat Feb 09, 2013 9:33 pm

91. I can not use Form of the Rat to enter someone's body, and then end it to make them explode.
92. When selecting a well known location for Spike, Take a Letter, I'm not allowed to choose any area of a person's body who I had successful mated with.
93. I can not use Celestia's Light to give people sun tans.
94. I can not be my own Secret Ally.
95. My creation for Industrial Revolution, which is suppose to advance Equestrian society, can not be "Cards Against Ponykind".

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Greywander on Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:03 am

96. When playing as a baby dragon, I am not allowed to use adult family members as weapons of mass destruction.

97. Nor can I use them as private assassins.

98. Playing a baby dragon does not give me access to more gold.

99. Baby dragons do not get an allowance.

100. A grill and chain are not the reasons baby dragons don't get extra gold.

101. I am not allowed to take the Dragon Disciple destiny as a "**** you!" to my parents so I can kill them when I reach level 10.

102. I cannot be my own mentor for Dragon Disciple.

103. If the Big Bad is a dragon, I cannot pick him as my mentor, either.

104. Even when playing as a carnivorous race, it is never socially or morally acceptable to eat ponies.

105. When playing a mechanical race, I am no longer allowed to graft any and every machine and gadget to my body.

106. Nor am I allowed to sing the Katamari Damaci theme while I doing so.

107. I cannot combine with other mechanical lifeforms to form a super fighting robot, either.

108. No, not even if we all use More Than Meets the Eye.

109. I am no longer allowed to chant, "Kill all humans!" when playing as a mechanical lifeform.

110. Or, "Kill all ponies!"

111. Mechanical lifeforms are not fueled by alcohol.

112. Or drugs.

113. Or gold.

114. I am not allowed to remove my brain and put it in a different body.

115. Especially if that body has anything larger than 40mm cannons.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Caden2112 on Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:41 pm

116. Even if he -is- an inherently destructive force that the world would genuinely be better off without, not allowed to gain harmony via teamkilling.

117. Not allowed to turn fallen party members into the 6-million-bit pony.

118. Threatening to leave the craziest party members with an NPC, while effective, is frowned upon when negotiating.

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Two or three are Mr Welch, but fit here too.

Post  RavenscroftRaven on Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:58 am

119: Trying to convert party members to your cult is in bad taste.
120: Even if you're the only healer.
121: At -29 HP is not the "ideal time" to try proselytizing to them.
122: Just because you were left with the element of magic, doesn't mean you're forbidden from being honest, generous, loyal, or kind.
123: I may not reveal my backstory piece by piece until its clear I'm just playing a ponified Joe Pesci.
124: Joe Pesci is not a valid destiny, either.
125: And he's not a dragon, so I must stop trying to make him my mentor.
126: I mustn't insist on the entire party pronouncing it "Alecorns", even if that's more correct.
127: I cannot summon windigoes on command by bickering with the pegasus.
128: They do not prefer to be called "Mudponies", as it turns out.
129: If my character is based in any way on Dwarf Fortress, they're automatically vetoed.
130: No plan may include the words "and hope he's allergic to peanut butter".
131: Being a changeling does not mean you get to play a gender-swapped version of anyone in the party.
132: My character's name is not Hugh Mann.
133: I may not start the game with a crippling fear of trees, open spaces, or penguins.
134: Luna is free; the Lunar Resistance is not "a thing".
135: Blowing every per-day ability I have in a skill challenge against another party member is unadvised.
136: Twitchy Tail cannot be used to pry about the PH's personal life.
137: The World Canon and The World Cannon are vastly different things.
138: There is no World Cannon.
139: I cannot be a 50' tall pegasus just because so many powers stipulate "smaller than yourself".
140: Even if we're not playing Paranoia, knowledge of the rulebook is ultra-violet clearance.
141: Timber Wolves cannot get the Blaze On utility.
142: I cannot will all my items to "the new party member who will join the party a day or two after I die".
143: Using magic does not make a character a witch.
144: ...Nor necessitate burning them at the stake.
145: My zebra does not have Tourettes.
146: You can't gain an immunity to Poison Joak, so stop giving it to the party each day to "build a resistance".
147: When a guard asks "You got something to say?", it's a rhetorical question.
148: A verbal tic is an oddity in an accent, not a bug that flies from my mouth when I speak.
149: If rumours begin about strange occurrences in an abandoned mansion, I do not brush them off as empty gossip.
150: Adventurers traditionally don't take out life insurance policies on each other.
151: I may not begin the game by having the group play a tabletop game with myself as the PH.


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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  AProcrastinatingWriter on Tue Feb 12, 2013 3:25 am

I haven't exactly got many, just two and some subrules, but...

152: I may not seduce Princess Celestia, even on a Cutie Mark Critical Persuasion roll.
=152a: The above extends to Princess Luna as well.
=152b: As it does to the Elements of Harmony.
=152c: And especially to Princess Cadence and Shining Armor.
=152d: Discord'd probably be cool with it though.

153: The above rule is still in effect even if you are a Changeling.
=153a: In fact, the rule is doubly true if you are a Changeling.


Last edited by AProcrastinatingWriter on Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Philadelphus on Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:41 am

154: Freaky Knowledge: Pressure Points does not allow me to automatically knock out enemies before combat can begin. It merely increases my chances.

155: Not allowed to take 10 Seconds Flat, The Sky's the Limit, and Freaky Knowledge: Snowstorms in order to mess with ponies' heads by creating random snowstorms during the summer over random parts of the city that clear up ten seconds later.

156: Not allowed to take Freaky Knowledge: Flight & Advanced Flight in order to get a +10 bonus to flight checks.

157: I am to understand that if I try to pull a "My character was really a changeling all along!" without express prior GM approval, he will be assassinated faster than I can log out of Skype.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  A1C Bronymous on Tue Feb 12, 2013 6:50 am

158: I did not go to school with the primary quest-giving NPC, and even if I did, "because he was kind of a tool" is not a good reason to skip him and move on.

159: From now on, all legal matters will be handled by professionals, no matter how high the Persuasion roll is.

160: When dealing with Explosives, dangerous chemicals, or brutal implements of torture, Stunts is not an acceptable substitute for Mechanics.

161: Despite how nice it might sound, I will not abandon the quest to save the world in favor of settling down and starting a family. Especially with another PC. ESPECIALLY if the other player doesn't know about it at the time.

162: Shining Armor is not an Adulterer.

163: Nether is Mr. Cake.

164: Neither are their respective spouses, nor will they EVER be.

165: Regardless of my personal doubts, it is advisable to consider Celestia a Goddess, and, for the purposes of the game, to treat her as such.

166: I will not try to assist a Party member's Stealth checks by moving a storm cloud over their head to provide aerial cover.

167: Sweet Apple Acres does not grow or manufacture illegal drugs.

168: Even if they did, burning the orchards does not solve anything.

169: I do not have the phone number to the TARDIS.

170: I do not have the phone number for Canterlot Castle.

171: I do not have a phone.

172: I will not take out my aggression on the Mane 6 for something I read in a fanfic once.

173: If Twilight does not have wings, I will not call her a "Traitorous Harlot" and attempt to physically injure her.

174: If she does, I still won't do that.

175: Asking Princess Luna if she likes bananas, no matter how innocent the intent, is still not a good idea.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  sunbeam on Wed Feb 13, 2013 1:02 am

Destiny edition!

176: I will not throw metal pots at guards to fail my stealth checks and activate my "Unheard" Destiny ability.
177: I will not mixed powdered poison joke with the feta cheese when I offer to cook for the rest of the party with my "Instant Party" Talent.
178: I will not use "It always rolled that way" to void my teammates Cutie Mark Criticals.
179: I will not use my "Through the looking glass" talent when meeting the eyes of a friend as he goes off to woo a mare in a tavern.
180: Just because I'm level 10 and can use true sight at will, doesn't mean I have to declare that I use it every 5 seconds.
181: I must be able to transport my magical instrument in some fashion. This voids my choices of
a) lute-shaped corporate buildings
b) abstract art shaped like giant pianos
c) music chain stores
182: The fact that I'm taking the metagamer destiny does not necessitate that I become a nihilist hell-bent on destroying this universe.
183: I cannot use "Make my own Fate" to choose "Call to Adventure" 3 more times expressly to make the Power Gamer cry.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  RavenscroftRaven on Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:29 am

184: It is assumed that Make My Own Fate does not translate into "I get 10 more utility talents".
185: Consult the Spirits does not have a prerequisite of killing the DM so you can commune with him.
186: If the list of books used in your build is longer than your backstory, it's vetoed.
187: It doesn't matter if they have the Mechanical trait, you can't select a timber wolf as your phylactery.
188: Another Lich is also not a valid container, even if they're the definition of "non-living".
189: A level 10 "Master of Reality" cannot fill their dimension with lava, and avoid all combats by simply sending people they don't like into it.
190: Nightwisps are a mechanical feature, not tragic NPCs.
191: A sword is not a musical instrument.
192: It's a Long Way To The Top's legal immunity has limits. Even if it says it doesn't.
193: I do not need the inventor destiny to make myself a codpiece.
194: This is because ponies do not wear codpieces, period.
195: "Reasonably intact" is not a negotiable or arguable definition.
196: "Back in one piece" apparently assumes the piece is the original form of the being in question.
197: I may not assume all NPCs are straight-mares setting up jokes for me to finish.
198: Physics doesn't exist. Get over it.
199: It is not "wasteful" to go to sleep still having a magic point. Especially if your element is Laughter.
200: Pegasi don't lay eggs. And even if they did, they wouldn't be part of an old Earth Pony family recipe.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Xel Unknown on Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:36 am

RavenscroftRaven wrote:199: It is not "wasteful" to go to sleep still having a magic point. Especially if your element is Laughter.
BLASPHEMY!

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Caden2112 on Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:48 am

Xel Unknown wrote:
RavenscroftRaven wrote:199: It is not "wasteful" to go to sleep still having a magic point. Especially if your element is Laughter.
BLASPHEMY!

Not if he's played with my group....Speaking of which:

201: Not allowed to use Spike: Take a Letter to try and long-distance-date Luna.

202: Or Celestia.

203: Not allowed to have the whole team take Instant Party and the Rockstar Destiny just to have completely absurd bonuses to our rolls and functionally infinite magic points.

204: ESPECIALLY if we have an Element of Laughter.

205: Not allowed to adopt NPC's as pets. Especially if my method of keeping them is 'keep them eternally drunk.'

206: If I ignore the above, I cannot complain when, after leaving him alone with the party airship, the next leg of the plot is figuring out where he parked it.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Jason Shadow on Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:27 pm

207: Although the rules allow me to put Fireborn, Thunderborn, Frostborn, and Acidborn all in the same custom race, the DM still gets the right to veto it.

208: I cannot take the Mind Sculptor destiny if I intend to use it to play out all of my personal shipping fantasies.

209: Taking Freaky Knowledge in "Friendship" and "Magic" does not give me a +10 bonus to both.

210: Not allowed to use Echo to try and trick Pincess Luna into thinking that she's developing a "Nightmare Moon" split personality.

211: Using I'll Rainbow Dash to Your Side and then teamkilling is in poor taste.

212: #34 counts double when used in any context that can be described as "bedroom antics".

213: If I take the Archlich destiny, a Twinkie is a poor choice for a phylactery.

214: While the Crystal Heart is admittedly a better choise for a phylactery, there is no chance in Tartarus that Princess Cadance will let me use it as such.

215: Not allowed to incite a revolution in the Crystal Empire simply so that I may use the Crystal Heart as a phylactery.

216: Emulating King Sombra in any way whatsoever is forbidden.

217: Reaching Level 10 with the Evolution destiny does not entitle me to calling myself the Master Race.

218: Reaching Level 10 with the Evolution destiny does not entiltle me to calling myself a Legendary Pokemon. Or any Pokemon, for that matter.

219: Many Tongues does not grant me any bonuses in the bedroom.

220: Smearing Vegemite on my face does not grant me any bonuses or abilities whatsoever. No, not even if I reflavor an abilty as such.

221: Any plan that involves a cannon, a hornet's nest, and a butterfly net is automatically vetoed.

222: Enthrall never works on Celestia, Luna, Discord, et cetera.

223: "Accidentally" teaching any villian the location of the Mirror Pool and how to use it is strictly forbidden.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Grey Pen The Flawed on Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:54 pm

Ot224: As a changeling, I am not permitted to use the Mirror Pool to take myself to the bedroom.

225. As a changeling, I am not permitted to use the Mirror Pool at all.

226. A changeling can NOT turn into Discord.

227. EVER.

228. A changeling can not live on love alone.

229. No, not even True Love.

230. Being a changeling is not an excuse to hang out around houses of ill repute.

231. No, my changeling can not absorb love in his bedroom.

232. No, not even True Love.

233. As a changeling, I must never EVER turn into my friend's special somepony when said pony is not present.

234. No, not even then.

235. I can not combine Changeling's Trickery and Fracture The Fourth Wall to turn into the GM.

236. Or the GM's special somepony.

That's all for now.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  Paper Shadow on Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:02 pm

Grey Pen wrote:233. As a changeling, I must never EVER turn into my friend's special somepony when said pony is not present.
I guess that means you are allowed to do it when said pony is present. The eternal problem of wanting a threesome but not wanting to cheat on your loved one is solved...

Although maybe we start straying from turning this thread into using the system to make sex jokes...

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

Post  LoganAura on Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:08 pm

Grey- All of those are hilarious XD But like Paper said, try to keep things Pg-13.

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Re: Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

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