Things Screwball Can No Longer Do in Pony Tales: AoH

596. May not recruit more minions than there are ponies in Equestria before level 2.

597. I do not need to utilize every 'exceptionally powerful' combo in the system to 'stay ahead of the arms race'
598. If I do use every powerful combo, I may end up causing the arms race.
599. The arms race is not something I want.
600. When the absurdly powerful 1000 hp monster who uses AOEs capable of killing 3 ponies from full health with a single hit STILL LOSES to my party of four; I am to leave the call, and give the DM a week or two to seek therapy.

601.I cannot play a sea pony in order to get massive bonuses to make up for my lack of mobility.

602. My sea pony cannot be a unicorn sea pony.

603. I cannot use hydrokinesis to form a 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge out of water to negate my mobility issues.

604. I may not use hydrokinesis to form a 1982 Trans Am.

605. Especially not one that talks.

606. I may not use hydrokinesis to form a 1973 Harley Davidson Low Rider.

607. For all intents and purposes, I am forbidden from using any kind of hydrokinesis.

608. I cannot command the loyalty of all sea creatures.

609. The sea pony race is forever closed to me.

610. I may not play a pony named Applejack, even with the explanation that she's the modern Applejack's ancestor from the 80s.

611. I will at least attempt to solve a puzzle before smashing it any trying to force the door open.

612: Or just trying to simply open the door without any force if there was no puzzle to begin with.

613: I will not disregard the instruction manual when working the controls of an elaborate death trap while trying to save my friends from said death trap.

614. Celestia does not have a daughter name Aitselec who once stormed her castle
615. Celestia does not come back from death once every hundred years
616. Celestia is not weak against whips
617. Celestia is not Dracula
618. Celestia is not a vampire, AT ALL
619. 'Master of the sun is the least suspicious possible disguise for a vampire' is not a sufficient reason to suspect Celestia of vampirism; and is, in fact, not a reason at all.
620. Not allowed to make a character named Aitselec for 'unrelated reasons'
621. Not allowed to make a pony character named TOM Selleck either
622. EVEN LESS ALLOWED to make a non-pony character named Tom Selleck in a pony-based game.

623. Summon Tom Selleck is not an acceptable use of Magecraft
624. My character can't have anything to do with Tom Selleck
625. I am not to mention Tom Selleck

626. Mot Kcelles is also off limits.
627. As is Selleck Tom.
628. And Kcelles Mot.
629. My character's name cannot just be the alphabet.
630. Using a foreign alphabet just makes it worse.

631: Many tongues does not allow me to "fluently speak math"
631a: Same goes for the language of flowers.
631b: Many tongues is to be applied only to languages spoken or once spoken natively by sentient creatures.
631c: The above does not neccesarily include the Great Old Ones

631d: Many tongues does not allow me to speak the words, language or name of God or any deity, therefore allowing me to shape, create or unravel reality as I see fit.

632. Even if I somehow DO manage to speak the language of the gods, I can't use the divine powers that might be involved.
632a. There is officially no longer power in a language itself.
633. Before I start trying to use creation powers in ANY way, I should remember that I am not the only one with the powers - merely the most punchable.
634. Becoming 'BFFsies' with one or more gods is impressive, and may entitle me to benefits. Stealing or otherwise attempting to utilize their powers without their input is not among these.
635. #634 does not mean THAT 'Friends with Benefits'
636. Planeshaper is forever locked to me.

637. Even though I plan to invent a time machine with my level 10 Inventor destiny feature, level 10 me can't just show up whenever the party needs help.

638. I cannot use the Mind Sculptor destiny to turn party members into my thrall.
639. I may not use any of my Mind Sculptor features on party members.
640. The same applies to the Memory to Mist and Flashback utility talents.
641. I may not choose "blood" as the liquid I control for Element Master
642. It is bad form to draw or write on the face of a party member using Dream Stride.
643. Weapon, armor and trinket slots are not "use 'em or lose 'em"
644. Because of the above, there is no reason to buy a Training Certificate to receive the trait Gold is Power
645. I need a good explanation if I want to take a chair as my companion.
646. I may not take one of my limbs as my companion.
647. Even if I have the utility talent Mind of its Own.
648.I cannot romance any of the Spectral Steeds.
649.Taking the Protagonist destiny does not mean the rest of the party are just my sidekicks.
650. Both Strengthen and Weaken Substance may not be used on living creatures.

651: No one may ever megaspell Laughter again
652: If someone activates more than 4 uses of Laughter in any given instance, everyone has made a horrible mistake.

653: I can no longer make DM posts after being awake for 20+ hours.
654: I can no longer make any even remotely eventful DM posts while even remotely tired.
655: I can no longer interpret a Megaspell'd Laughter roll as many rolls at once.
656: I can no longer try to insist to my players that many, many puppies consist as an important plot point.
657: Puppies are not a plot point, period.
658: Nor are kittens, despite how terribly cute they are.
659: I can no longer use any animal other than a pony or a dragon as a vaguely important plot point in any way.

So... So I kind of hate to do this, but I honestly can't think of a "don't" entry for this one; despite the fact that there badly needs to be one... The campaign ended early, you see, and a tacked on final boss (after the main story was resolved peacefully) was ME... from an alternate reality. It hit for Eight Hundred Billion damage and had as many initiative slots as we had party members by the final round, and the party still beat it with no casualties... I feel like SOMETHING has been Screwballed here, I just don't know what.

670: I will not mysteriously produce trees in the middle of the inn.
671: I will not try and make up a story as I go to try and explain said tree.
672: When I am offered such a story, the answer is NO.

673: I will not make entire houses polka-dotted on the inside in the same color in a way that requires players to roll Perception just to find a door or a bookshelf.
674: I will not make the interior of any building camouflaged in any way.
675: I will not interior decorate in any way that could drive a pony to drink heavily, even if it was done so by their young niece.
676: I will not make players look for a specific item, such as a green and white polka-dotted journal or book in such a place.
677: I will not force my players to enter such a place, if I do make it exist for some cruel, cruel reason, especially not for plot reasons.

678: I will not abuse the wording of Empathetic to roll Perception checks every 5 minutes to keep track of the BBEG's emotional state, even if it doesn't actually say I need to be able to see the target creature.

Spoiler:

679: I will no longer open the handbooks and change the text of abilities or combat talents mid-game to get our party out of trouble.

680: Setting myself on fire to escape a net is a bad idea when there are other party members under the same net.
681: When my first answer to any problem is "Set myself on fire" I should probably take a serious look at how I am playing the character. Especially if said character has no forms of fire resistance.
682: Yes water is present in living things Yes Water is a valid subject for element master No I am not allowed to use Element Master: Water to kill NPCs that tick me off by pulling the water out of their bodies.
683: Cannot take element master in the following: Ponies, Griffons, Ninjas, Filing Cabinets, Anvils, Doughnuts, Soda, Blood, Eyeballs, Carbon, Mercury, Stomach Acid and Bone. For various reasons.
684: There is not enough Iron in blood for Element Master: Iron to manipulate it. Especially if the blood is still inside somepony.
685: I am no longer allowed to use arcane eye to look inside of NPCs, especially if I follow it up by using a talent that requires me to be able to see something to kill and/or permanently disable them them.

686: I will not "accidentally" place my Roll20 pog on the other side of a wall just to "accidentally" see what's coming next in the dungeon.
687: I will not run off and explore other parts of the dungeon alone just because the rest of the group is taking too long to open a door.
688: I will not intentionally fail skill checks just to be a burden to the rest of the group.
689: I will not ask about the finer points of "adult things" in any circumstance.
670: Even if I am playing an Inquisitive child.
671: Especially when I am playing an inquisitive child.
672: Or any kind of child.
673: There are no "adult things" going on, so stop asking.
674: I will not make up "adult things" just so I can ask about them.
675: "Because I'm so adorable" is no longer a justifiable excuse.