Web Warriors: Assault on Neckbeard's Keep IC

Kaji gets up from where (s)he was huddled on the floor.
"Okay. I'm sane. As sane as I get anyway."
Looks at the Terms.
"ehh, what's one more stupid decision today."
click.

Alright, let's see.

Jonny was working his way through another batch of code, ignoring another batch of warnings before forcing a compile. Predictably, the system returned an Error.

Line 456... That's the... color selection. But that's matching the example. Is it a problem with the dereferencing?

He scratched his head taking a sip of Green Tea flavored something or other. Energy drink it claimed, as far as that could be believed. It all just tended to end in sugar and tears by the end anyway. He retyped the line, making sure to pay attention to capitalization, and recompiled. Error once more.

Rassumfrassum two legged son of a polecat in the middle of-

Grinning wickedly at channeling a moment of Yosemite Sam he opened the system ports to the internet, starting up the Homebrew Security Scanner he'd coded to make sure he stayed as safe as possible. Paranoia might be the tiniest side effect of getting your hands on too much information.  Of course using security to access Facebook of all sites made as much sense as Cheese on a good day.

Ah Foster's, we'll pour out a Foster's for you.

Into the depths of Humanity's Depravity! The online Scourge of Security! The Bastion of Duckface and Forehead Tilt! Into the DEPTHS OF THE INTERNET!

Nah, that would be- OW! Electrical shock? What the hey? Did the surge protector fail some kind... why is it so whiiiiiii-
---------------------------------------------------
"-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!"

The sensation of arrival was disconcerting.

Arrival from where? TO where?

Jonny took a moment to look around.... Then tried to figure out if he felt nauseous... then checked out his snazzy new duds.

"BASIC?! I've got a vest of BASIC code? I should've upgraded to C++! Or Python!"

Priorities

Right. Right. Taking a deep breath Jonny found himself... Wondering who the heck these other people are, and what's going on with that EULA. He gave it a perfunctory look before snorting in surprise. The Internet? Really?

Is this better or worse than Captain N? Better because Internet? Or Worse because... Internet?

Something seemed off about this whole situation. In general, everything felt a bit off, so some kind of screen hypnosis didn't seem impossible. He thought for a moment, decided he felt lightheaded, and considered the ground. About this time he may have realized he's Airborne. Well, Netborne. This increased the desire to sit on the ground. And perhaps compounded the panic of the unfamiliar situation.

"AHHH! ....AHHHHHH! .....AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! DOWN!

As a note for future generations: Convincing your body to move 'down' while struggling in midair and no longer remaining upright may change your body's interpretation of that direction. As it was he launched feet first into the Agreement, most likely clicking it. ....He's certainly made an Awesome first impression, hasn't he folks?

"Well, that's a thing that happened.", Gus flatly stated as another flying teenager came and went. "Now let's see what these rules are... Wow. Wow. I have no words. Someone, somewhere, wrote this. This was written by someone with every known mental defect, whilst stoned on weed and hopped up on aphrodisiacs. It's like a Dada masterpiece of stupid and horrible. I'm not sure whether to be impressed, horrified, disgusted, or all three.", he ranted. Seeing the "terms" button, he paused, scratching his chin in thought.

"Well, seems like a way out, of sorts, and the kids did it... Well, when in Rome...  Actually, screw that, I'm kicking this thing in its badly-written ass. Hope it ain't legally binding, or breaks my computer. Again.", the senior said, turning around the list and delivering a well-aimed kick in the metaphorical posterior of the button. "Hah! Click that! Kicking leg still strong!"

Everyone else has now disappeared from the room, leaving Sarah all alone with the rules wall.

Sarah meekly looks at the wall and clicks the button, hoping this won't come back to bite her in the butt at any given point in time.

Everybody sees the Facebook icon flash across their vision briefly before they all suddenly appear in a field. It seems to be part of a large green grassland with rolling hills. In the distance, you can see what appear to be towns in several directions. The sky is a beautiful blue, but instead of clouds there are what appear to be Facebook comments gently floating through the sky. They're almost impossible to read from here. While there doesn't seem to be any sun in the sky, it is bright and cheery, as thought it were about midday.

Jonny couldn't exactly say he shared The Old Guy's enthusiasm at this point, hand on his chest and breathing heavily.

"Are you CRAZY? I just... we just. A HIKE?!"

Jonny really didn't even have words at this point. He sighed, looking down the field under his feet. His feet on the ground.

"Oh thank goodness."

He reclines back in midair. A few seconds later he facepalms.

"Alright. I appreciate flying dreams as much as the next person, but could someone explain why gravity has decided to give me a leave of absence? Anybody?"

Couldn't be a flying eagle or armored pegasus or something cool. Nooooooo, instead we have the amazing airborne geek. Is this because of that Gravity Disabling hack I was working on for my game? That doesn't even make any sense!

"...This whole THING doesn't make any sense. Any sense. At all."

He gave a few attempts at controlling his flight, finding it easier than anticipated. Although he looks remarkably silly trying to doggy paddle in midair. Eventually, he manages to simply walk in midair, rotating himself around his head as a center point. Stuck in midair upside down... He wonders what he's done to deserve this.

"...Fine. Right. Good. Okay. I probably.. this. I'm Jonny. Who the HECK are you people, where are we, and are your physics as screwed up as mine?"

"My physics aren't messed up, but uh. I'm Sarah Keaton. Hiya." She surveys the location. "Right. I need about twenty minutes for uh. Lady stuff. So I'll head this way," she says, pointing in a random direction (one that happened to be east), "And all of you can head this way!" she says, pointing the opposite direction and ushering them along. She walks east, and then, as Woolie did earlier, says, "Kill La Kill episode two?"

Sarah discovers the internet is not nearly as mutable here as it was in the white void. No video appears.

Jonny rubbed the bridge of his nose, slipping into a more familiar Call Center formality.

"Yes Sir, I'm well aware I'm not exactly evidencing the most reassuring form of expertise at the moment. Unfortunately, unless this was an undocumented patch, there's no possibility for me assume this is a standard activity. As far as I'm aware, neither Captain Planet nor Superman have loaned out their powers for humanoid flight."

He tried again to right himself. It actually went pretty easily this time.

Muscle Memory? Subliminal effects? System recognizing intent?

"It's Nice meeting you Mister Gus, Miss Sarah. Although I do wish it weren't under the current situation. Mister Gus, as well intentioned as your hike is conceptually, it's likely for the best we treat this as a emergency situation, laying in a secure area and a supply of food and water. I don't know about you, but teleportation to.. wherever the heck here is is a rather uncommon element in my experiences."

Blah blah blah, and if you rotate your flange up the whatoozee we'll send you a second prevaricator absolutely free.

He bristled a bit at his own overt formality, but that's the problem when your primary socialization is over the phone with people expecting service.

"My name is Jonny as previously mentioned. As for the outfit..."

He looks down at his clothes. The weirdest thing about his attire was the BASIC vest.

"It's... just some code. Makes me look cooler in a vaguely geeky style. Actually I might be best suited for giving us an overhead look if I can get the handle on this gravity issue. Do we have any other ideas on how to deal with the local area?"

He really wasn't trying to figure out what Sarah was up to, but at the same time, he was still a little distracted at 'OMG FLY'. As such his progress to the East is stalled out.

"Whatever. Too much bright. I'm going to one of those towns over there, if any of you lamos want to follow me." She looks at the floating nerd. "Have you tried just willing yourself forward? Name's Thalia, by the way."

"I'm...Woolie," the man himself said, raising an eyebrow nearly to his hairline. "And I..."

There was a twinge in the direction Thalia was heading.

"...I have to go over there. Peace." With absolutely no explanation besides that, Woolie turned on his heel and walked towards the same town that Neko girl was.

DerouX flies up for a quick aerial view of the surroundings, then, noticing that Thalia is leaving, immediately follows after her like a puppy.

Still slightly abashed at her previous outburst, Kaji pipes up.
"I'm... well, I'll go by Kajisora, that's what I called myself when I last used this avatar. It was a game. It must've been!"
"Sorry about the shouting earlier. I'm.... well, I'm a guy okay! I was just going online to sign up for a parkour workshop, then I suddenly find myself genderswapped."
Suddenly kaji's eyes light up, and a small grin crosses her face. "I wonder....."
She concentrates for a moment, disappears in a pulse of coloured light, then reappears at a point several meters directly above where she had been standing.
Oops....Mayyyyybe I didn't think this through.....

Meta:

"Drat." Sarah spits, clenching her palm into a fist. At the very least, she could check out her clothes while she was away from the group. Sarah opened her cloak and...

Hey, that's a Kamui isn't it? Senketsu, to be exact. Sarah briefly wondered why she was imagining herself as Ryuko, but that thought was overwrote by how cool the sailor fuku was. The thought of having to draw her own blood to activate it wasn't quite as pleasant though. Primarily black, it had one yellow eye underneath the left part of the collar of the uniform, and an eye patch underneath the right. Suspenders connected her skirt to her top, and her midriff was exposed. She also noticed a core drill around her neck. Apparently Trigger designed her internet-world outfit.

So that was pretty cool. Sarah tied her loose hair back into a pony tail so that it would be out of the way of things, and then regarded the sheath at her side. She rested it into her hands, then tentatively pressed one of the buttons- it had a small white stripe on it- a key's handle formed within the sheath. Sarah recognized it as Oathkeeper's. So then, was the black stripe...?

Pushing it, she recognized that the key in the handle was now Oblivion. Alright, cool. That's neat.

Further testing revealed the red button to summon Lagann, and then the blue button summoned a Tarot card for Izanagi. That was all really neat. But there was one last button, a green button. She pushed it, and...

meta:

...immediately forgot everything aside from her name.

"Where am I...?" she mutters, surveying her surroundings. Spotting the group to the west, she walks back towards them, cloak open. "H-hello," she says, swallowing her fear. Perhaps these people know something about me. There's no harm in the attempt.

"Nice to meet you Miss Thalia, Mister Woolie."

Rote formality it may be; it makes it a bit easier to attach names to faces.

"Tried might be the operative word. I really have no idea what I'm doing. If that were unclear to any degree."

So... what? Just like... treat it like a map update? Assign velocity through a physics system?

Stop overthinking and just DO it?

He sighs, and simply... 'wills' himself to move, finding himself a bit surprised when it seems to work. He's really not sure what to say, so settles into following the little procession after the catgirl. Of course, standard paranoia deems someone who knows too much about a situation as being...  Suspicious. But paranoia is currently being drowned out by Panic and Joy.

/Ninja Updates!
This is about the time Kaji introduces herself.

"Nice to meet you Kajisora... So.. Since you're not supposed to be a girl, should we call you Sora? We'll try our best to keep you away from oversized housekeys."

His snarky grin may be lost as she teleports in a flash of light.

"...the?"

Jonny looks around for the displaced Kaji, but...

Meta:

DerouX turns to the floater. "I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm DerouX, and as long as you don't plan to DDOS me, we should get along fine." He says, mistrustful of anyone he believes to be a hacker.

Jonny looks up in time to see Kaji plummet to the ground, surprisingly landing well.

NNGH!

He manages to flinch away, but not to make a heroic attempt to save Kaji from her fall. Well, at least she seemed to land fine.

He manages to shoot DerouX a curious look.

"How in the world would we even generate a Denial of Service in here? If this is Facebook aren't WE the service?"

He shakes his head, and sighs.

"I don't even...It.. It's nice meeting you either way."

Ah! Sarah's coming back!

"Hey Miss Sarah. So did you do.. whatever lady thing you were planning to do over there?"

Mad Skillz in small talk. Mad Skillz.

Shut up brain.

"Uh... yeah! I totally did!" Sarah responds, being about as good at small talk as Jonny had been right there. At the very least, he had confirmed that her name, was, in fact, Sarah. That was progress. "So uh. Do you know anything about where this is?"

"Really?" Woolie asked, looking back. His tolerance level had just about reached its maximum. "We just went over this. Look, okay, we're trapped on the internet, alright? You might hear some doubting voices among us saying we're not, but trust me, we totally are."

"We are?"

Jonny looked around.

"Well, I suppose situational physics make a 'bit' more sense that way. But... I guess I was hoping for something more like Reboot. No, wait, scratch that, The Net was incredibly dangerous in Reboot. This is more like getting sucked into some kind of MMO. Maybe something like Freakazoid would've been cooler."

He scratched the back of his head and shrugged. Not like he had much of a chance to review the paperwork before dropping in.

"I need to say, you guys are taking this stuff... remarkably well. Between the flying and displacement I was about ready to need to shop for a less yellow pair of pants."

You might not know what an internet is. But apparently you're on it, so there's that. Uh... Reboot? O-oh, and he seems mad. Sarah cocks her head. "What's a reboot?" she asks. "A-and I'm sorry about getting on your nerves but... I honestly can't remember much about... well, anything aside from my name. Sorry," she says, bowing deeply.