[Story Thread] Campfire Tales

[TheCavalry]

So, after a casual look, I couldn't find any threads collating the humorous stories I'm sure players have, here and in offline games. While the story time segments in the FiD comments are fun, with so many pages and so many comments, it can be hard to find one particular subject to read about, not to mention funny stories which don't fall into any of the descriptions for story time.

So, I thought this would be useful; a thread for people to share their stories... and as thread starter, I'll go first.

The first game I ever played was an instalment of Exalted. The DM was trying to get players interested, and seeing as how I had been wanting to break into RPing for a while, I decided to give it a try.

The group consisted of myself, a Druid, a warrior and a female rogue; since it was just an introductory session, we were playing mortal characters, with the understanding that mortal Exalted is a meta grinder. By the end of the session we would either have solved the mystery of the children of the corn, or we would be dead.
Guess which happened.

So, we were investigating a village with some rather...spooky children. After some prompting from the DM, we all made our way into a forest, which was where all-hell broke loose. As we travelled through the undergrowth, the Druid, the warrior and myself were hit by hallucinogenic blow darts. The enemies attacking us missed the rogue, who fled.

When the three of us awoke, still tripping somewhat, we found ourselves in the centre of a village in a cage sealed with a sturdy lock, completely trapped since none of us had the supplies, or the talents to pick it. That was the rogues speciality.

Fortunately, she was also stealthy, and had followed the natives to their village. She was waiting in the treeline, weighing her options.
We all agreed she had to save us, but the cage was relatively well exposed; there was a fair chance she would be spotted trying to pick the lock. So instead, she decided to skip the subtleties and just break the damn thing with her throwing knife.
The Adam allowed it, under the condition that (since the bars were so thin) she'd have to make N additional roll to see where it landed.

She threw the knife- success! It reached the cage.
Roll and - a miss. It went past the lock, and through the bars...
And then we realised there were three potential targets inside the cage.
Three dice rolls later, my character found a knife sticking out of his chest, the commotion had attracted the ambushes attention and they started chasing the rogue.

Dying of a knife in the chest by an ally sounds ignoble. It got worse.

We checked the severity of the wound, and it turned out that the knife didn't just pierce my chest; it got my lung. I was on the ground, dying as my lungs filled with blood.
"Fortunately" our Druid, the group healer and doctor was in the cage with me. And the knife in my chest would make a handy impromptu surgical tool.

He was also still high on whatever was on the darts we got hit by.

So, that was how our session ended; our rogue on the run from cannibals, our healer performing open-chest surgery in an unsterile environment while on drugs, and our warrior just dumbly watching the madness unfolding and trying to break out.

The best that can be said is my character was still hopped up on the happy juices, so he probably didn't feel a thing when the Druid fumbled his roll in the worst way possibly, pulled the knife from his lung and let me bleed on to death of my own bloody air.

...so yeah. That was fun.

[Crystalite]

This happened in a D&D session a few weeks back.

We had stumbled into an owl bear's den, and after some decent rolls, smart decisions, and GM mercy, managed to avoid combat by giving them some of our food. Our rogue decided she was going to sneak around and look for interesting things; GM decided, since the owlbears were occupied, that it would be pretty easy... And she promptly rolled a Natural Twenty.

Anyways. On account of some nasty foliage in the room that had already paralyzed the rogue once, I asled if I could roll Perception to keep anneye on her in case she got paralyzed a second time. He said I could, but there's no way... Natural Twenty.

Shortly after exploring beyond the room little she found a sort of nest, presumably the owlbear's. This was confirmed by the presence of two baby owlbears inside. The GM warned that entering meant navigating some clinky clangy things that would surely... Natural Twenty.

After finding some good stuff inside, she came back to our end of the room and poked down this side tunnel. GM started to say it was pretty dark, she probably wouldn't be able to see... Natural Twenty.

So she starts creeping down, gets to the shiny thing she saw (Which turned out to be the way forward) And GM says to roll Stealth again. We all lean forward as she rolls another Natural 20. (She's switched dice for this a couple of times by now.) The GM sighs, picking up his own dice, bemoaning that this ridiculous rolling was going to ruin half the fun in this... Natural 20.

Begin combat in which we all rolled like $#17. Luckily it wasn't a super hard encounter.