Combat Class: Bureaucrat

I think this goes without saying but, this is intentionally silly.

Note: There are no save ends because bureaucracy never goes away!

[+2] Iron Triangle Standard Utility 1/Battle
Choose two allies. Henceforth the first ally with be known as Ally A and the second as Ally B. For the rest of the battle: Ally A may use a combat trait you possess of your choice, may use Ally B's special moves, and gains 1 HP or 2 Temp HP whenever you take damage. Ally B may use one of your combat talents of their choice besides this one, may not select you or Ally A as targets for randomly targeting effects, and gains 1 pip any time you start a turn Bloodied. You gain a pip any time Ally A takes 10 or more damage, gain 2 resistance until the start of your next turn any time Ally B takes damage, and gain Regeneration 2 (save ends) any time either Ally A or Ally B become subject to a save ends condition that was inflicted by an enemy.

[+1] Spoils System Standard Utility
Target creature under the effect of a bureaucracy effect loses that effect and instead gains a bureaucracy effect you can inflict that costs no more than two more pips than the replaced effects' causing talent and no less than one fewer.

[-1] Death and Taxes Standard Utility (by Paper Shadow)
You mark target creature with debt. At the start of each of their turns, they pay you pips equal to the amount of turns they have been in debt for. If they fail to make a payment, you send them a written warning. If they continue to fail payments, they lose access to a random combat talent, and you gain access to that combat talent.

[-2] Administrative Adjudication Standard Utility
Target creature is blinded for 2 turns every time it attacks one of three allies you name unless they attacked it this round and did more than 5 points of damage, unless it has ongoing damage greater than 3, in which case it is weakened if it attacks you if you have attacked it within the last 1d4 turns.

[-2] Audit Interrupt Utility
Trigger: An enemy includes you as a target of a combat talent.
Effect: The triggering combat talent costs one more pip, two more if you are Bloodied. If the enemy can no longer afford to pay the pip cost of that combat talent, it is negated and they are refunded half (round up) the pips that were expended on the triggering combat talent. Additionally you are informed of how many pips that creature had at the start of its turn.

[-2] Red Tape Minor Utility
Target creature's next attack does not resolve until the end of your next turn. During your next turn you may use Red Tape to instead delay that attack until the end of your following turn if you pay an additional X-1 pips. X is equal to the number of times you have used Red Tape in this way this battle.

[-3] Patronage Standard Utility
Flip a coin. If heads, whenever target creature attacks it must flip a coin. On a tails it must flip another coin. If the second coin toss comes up heads the attack randomly targets an ally with the exclusion of 1d3 allies of your choice. If the second coin toss comes up tails the attack only deals damage and suffers a -2 damage penalty.

[-3] Sign In Triplicate Reaction Utility
Trigger: An enemy uses a combat talent.
Effect: If that enemy does not use the triggering combat talent twice more before it uses any others, it loses access to that combat talent for the rest of the battle.

[-4] Foreclosure Standard Utility
If at any point henceforth target creature has 0 pips: it's -pip talent cost an additional pip, it gains one less pip from +pip talents, and at the end of it's turns it takes X damage if it spent more pips than it gained last turn. X is equal to twice the amount of pips it spent this turn.

I'm guessing that the mind-bogglingly screwy and convoluted wording for these talents is deliberate.

Are you trying to... parody some of the stuff the designers have been saying?

tygerburningbright wrote:Are you trying to... parody  some of the stuff the designers have been saying?

Not intentionally? It just kinda... happened in conversation.

Edit: And yes Jason.

Added Iron Triangle, Audit, Red Tape, Sign In Triplicate, and Foreclosure.

I would have a better response to these if I actually understood just what these things actually mean. I love the roundabout way you wrote them, but I'm just a tad confused.

I actually really like Audit and Death and Taxes.

LoganAura wrote:I would have a better response to these if I actually understood just what these things actually mean. I love the roundabout way you wrote them, but I'm just a tad confused.

I think I've got a handle on them and can defeat the doubletalk using the most powerful weapon in my arsenal: numbered lists!

[+2] Iron Triangle Standard Utility (1/ Battle)
This talent can only be used once per battle. This is shared across all creatures.
Choose target ally. They gain "Bureaucracy 1" until the end of combat.
Choose another target ally. They gain "Bureaucracy 2" until the end of combat.
You gain "Bureaucracy 3" until the end of combat.

Creatures with "Bureaucracy 1" gain:

Creatures with "Bureaucracy 2" gain:

Creatures with "Bureaucracy 3" gain:

[+1] Spoils System Standard Utility
Remove a "Bureaucracy X" effect from target creature. That creature gains a "Bureaucracy Y" effect of your choice until the end of combat. The cost of the talent that inflicts "Bureaucracy Y" must cost no more than two more pips than the cost to inflict "Bureaucracy X," and no less than one fewer.
Example: You remove from an enemy "Bureaucracy 4," which is caused by the "Death and Taxes" talent as a [-1]. You may replace it with a Bureaucracy effect from a talent costing between [0] and [-3].

[-1] Death and Taxes Standard Utility
Target creature suffers "Bureaucracy 4" until the end of combat.
Creatures with "Bureaucracy 4" may choose to lose X PiPs at the start of their turn, where X is the number of turns they have had the "Bureaucracy 4" effect.
If the creature pays the amount, the inflicter of "Bureaucracy 4" gains an equal amount of PiPs.
If they either fail to pay X or choose not to more than once, they lose access to a random combat talent they know until the end of combat. The inflicter of "Bureaucracy 4" gains use of any combat talents lost in this way.

[-2] Administrative Adjunction Standard Utility
Target creature suffers "Bureaucracy 5" until the end of combat. Up to 2 target allies gain "Rubber Stamp" until the end of combat.
Creatures with "Bureaucracy 5" is blinded for their next 2 turns whenever they deal more than 5 damage to a creature with "Rubber Stamp."
Additionally, if that creature has Ongoing Damage 3 or greater, it becomes weakened if it has been both attacked and has made an attack against the inflicter of "Bureaucracy 5" in the last turn.

[-2] Audit Interrupt Utility
Trigger- An enemy includes you as a target of a combat talent.
You learn how many PiPs triggering talent's user had at the beginning of its turn.
The user of the triggering talent must pay an additional PiP, and then another additional PiP if you are bloodied. If they do not, prevent all effects of triggering talent.
If the triggering talent is prevented, the triggering talent's user gains X PiPs, where X is half the cost of the talent. If you are bloodied, they gain an additional PiP.

[-2] Red Tape Minor Utility
Target enemy suffers "Bureaucracy 6." If that creature removed "Bureaucracy 6" since the end of your last turn, you may pay additional X PiPs to give them an extra stack of "Bureaucracy 6," where X is the number of consecutive turns you've used this talent on this target.
Creatures suffering "Bureaucracy 6" remove it when an attack they used will cause an effect. The attack's effect is delayed until the end of their next turn.

[-3] Patronage Standard Utility
Flip a coin. If heads, target enemy suffers "Bureaucracy 7," and target ally gains "Rubber Stamp."
Creatures suffering "Bureaucracy 7" must flip a coin when they attack. If tails, they flip a second coin.
If the second coin is heads, the attack randomly targets one of the user's enemies, excluding enemies with "Rubber Stamp."
If the second coin is tails, the attack deals -2 damage. Any non-damage effects of the attack are prevented.

[-3] Sign in Triplicate Reaction Utility
Trigger- An enemy uses a combat talent
Triggering enemy must attempt to use that combat talent on its next 2 turns. If it does not, it loses access to that talent for the rest of combat.

[-4] Foreclosure Standard Utility
Target creature gains "Bureaucracy 8."
If a creature with "Bureaucracy 8" has 0 PiPs at any points, replace "Bureaucracy 8" with "Bankrupt."
Creatures with "Bankrupt" must pay an additional PiP to use [-] talents. Additionally, they lose 1 PiP after using a [+] talent, and lose X life at the end of their turn if they spent more PiPs than they gained on their last turn, where X is twice the amount of PiPs they spent this turn.

QK Note-Made some changes to some of the talents, but mostly just to clarify them. I did change the interaction of "Administrative Adjunction" and "Patronage" a little though, mostly to make Patronage easier to do rather than trying to roll and select 1d3 allies in the middle of an enemies' talent.

[edit] Whoops. Accidentally separated Iron Triangle from the rest of the effects. Fixing right now.
[edit2] Okay, sorta fixed. Had to make Iron Triangle a 1/Battle for everyone so that it can't get mega complicated, but I think it works.

Well, your versions actually come out different in a number of ways. Since this is a just a joke topic though, I'm not gonna bother going through it all. One thing to note though, Spoils System can replace an effect with itself. This is bureaucracy after-all, it's fully capable of doing things that are just a waste of time.