Skype Campaign The Shadow Walkers Completed registration! Coming soon.

Alright, well, I know there's other demand; but I figure I could still submit my character:

Chorus Crackle

She is definitely not just a pegasus.

I think the God Treaty would give Chorus more than a little trouble.

Zarhon wrote:Well, if the "sue-ness" of Tatter is an issue (speaking of which, a little clarification on what the sue aspects would be, exactly?)

Good luck with that. I still don't get what it is or why it's bad, and apparently ALL of my characters are one. The trope page doesn't help either, because according to that definition, all of the most popular superheroes and anime characters are Sues as well, or close to it.

Honestly, I think its just a lame insult that originated as one kid being jealous of how well planned out, developed and effective another's character was, and it has become widespread in that same usage- and only in that usage, because mainstream characters in tv and literature are almost never accused of the same thing.

But then again, all of mine are, so I can't be sure.

I think it might've just been a big missunderstanding cause Demonu said the character didn't "scream" "mary sue"

Welp, guess I can cross "having a unique role on the team as a pegasus" off the list.

@Zarhon: Thanks! I actually originally had Snowflake's cutie mark in Mechanics (with training in Stealth), until I realized that Xel and I had, completely independently, come up with characters who had a total of 1 Attribute point and a training's difference between them (other than talents, though we even both had Nimble Hooves). So I decided to switch the training and cutie mark around, moved an attribute point or two, and focused on the stealth aspect of his personality rather than the fine manipulation side (though that's still present), and I'm very happy with the result. I also went through two or three iterations of combat talents before I found a set that I liked.

Zarhon wrote:

Demonu wrote:Like Tatter Hide's design and background doesn't scream mary sue, for reasons I've probably already mentioned...

Well, I had to justify thunderborn on a batpony without weathercrafting in some way without it being too outlandish (I could have always opted for a thunder-spider bite...).

So... you're version of 'not to outlandish' is "I killed a predominate Burning Eyes assassin but I'm still at lvl 1"?

Well, I'm convinced....

Hayatecooper wrote:

Zarhon wrote:

Demonu wrote:Like Tatter Hide's design and background doesn't scream mary sue, for reasons I've probably already mentioned...

Well, I had to justify thunderborn on a batpony without weathercrafting in some way without it being too outlandish (I could have always opted for a thunder-spider bite...).

So... you're version of 'not to outlandish' is "I killed a predominate Burning Eyes assassin but I'm still at lvl 1"?

Well, I'm convinced....

And now I see why Tatter Hide is called sue-ish...

Bronymous wrote:

Zarhon wrote:Well, if the "sue-ness" of Tatter is an issue (speaking of which, a little clarification on what the sue aspects would be, exactly?)

Good luck with that. I still don't get what it is or why it's bad, and apparently ALL of my characters are one. The trope page doesn't help either, because according to that definition, all of the most popular superheroes and anime characters are Sues as well, or close to it.

Honestly, I think its just a lame insult that originated as one kid being jealous of how well planned out, developed and effective another's character was, and it has become widespread in that same usage- and only in that usage, because mainstream characters in tv and literature are almost never accused of the same thing.

But then again, all of mine are, so I can't be sure.

Eh, it's more than just an insult passed around.

A Mary Sue/Marty Stu is, at its core, a character around whom the world of the stories revolves to a rediculous degree, to whom awesome things happen and who can do things they really shouldn't. It's kind of a subtle thing at times. Sometimes it's justified, sometimes it isn't. Also, I dispute the "mainstream characters almost never accused..." bit... I know of several characters that can be considered such. It's just that mainstream media tends to have a better quality of writing then, say, most fanfiction, and they tend to avoid that.

Hey Dusks on, how's the character coming along?

Door Kicker's backstory is up. Still working on his build.

Ah, I see now. I assumed the Shadow Walkers required a decent military resume or an exemplary display skills to be viable to join them (they *are* an elite spy group, after all), and that we started as members, so I guess I overdid it in that regard.

Edited out the backstory accordingly: Dark Hide is no longer anypony noteworthy, and the assassin is less dangerous/noteworthy (a pegasus with weather-crafting that relies on sneaky tactics, at best), so the backstory "fight" should be reasonable at lvl1.

Also clarified that she didn't kill the assassin - Just beat him up and left him to Luna to deal with.

It's that I, both as a writer and an RPG player, am a major stickler for mary sue-ish traits.

The design aside (I still maintain that the "batponies" featured in the show was merely a Nightmare Night costume; afterall, Luna having a personal guard while the majority of ponies still feared her at that point isn't a smart move to make and we never see them featured ever again on the show, while you'd think that batponies would be ideal to guard Canterlot at night such as when Luna took over guard duty during the season 2 final episode), there are certain elements of the background that point towards mary sue (based off http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm and TV tropes)

- Deceased Parents Are The Best with Conveniently An Orphan
For RPG players, this is basically a way to establish that their character doesn't own responsibility to anyone and is free to do whatever he or she wants. What most people forget however is that seeing every single loved one die before your eyes seriously screws up a person's entire life, both mentally and socially. Far too often have I seen players basically going "Yeah, my parents/family are dead but hey, we've got orcs to slay so get to it." If you want to go through with it, fine but know that I/my character will bring it up just to see how you handle it and for my amusement to see you handle it.

- Rich/famous parents
Arguably Rule of Cool and nothing wrong with it on its own. It's just that famous parents have a certain legacy and the status itself puts pressure on the child to live up to that. Which convienently gets solved by the above and netting you the inheritance. That the gambling establishment is in ruins means nothing because buildings can be rebuild and money, especially from such endeavors, is stored at banks, not at the establishment itself. Again, on its own nothing truly wrong with it but it adds up with the rest.

- Assassin
I don't see why this is here. The family hasn't done anything that merits an assassination attempt: mom deals in gambling, dad is a bodyguard. Only thing you mentioned is a connection to Luna but by that logic, every single pony and their family who has a connection with Luna (be it by employment or other) is eligible for assassination. Also, said assassin missed his target 7 times, of which 3 were over the course of an entire year. Worst assassin ever. Having a rival/nemesis is all fine and dandy but Tatter Hide hasn't done anything to even have a rival/nemesis, other than that her father (not her) signed an employment contract.

Even with all that said and done, it's still a game. I can't expect/force you to come up with balanced/flawed/hybrid characters and I won't because it's still your character. Who knows, perhaps you'll roleplay it perfectly. It's just that I want you to be aware of all the things you're implying by what you've written down as a background.
(but writing down a novel of a background is also a bit too much)

In short, while there are a lot of things to nitpick about, it all comes down to the execution. A great performance of a bad idea is still more entertaining than a bad performance of a good idea.

EDIT: and then you go and edit out the parts I'm commenting on. Damn...
EDIT 2: In regard with giving my spot to someone else, that's just so someone who hasn't played (frequently), can have a chance to experience a game.
EDIT 3: Chorus Crackle seems to be missing 2 racial points. And I believe we are using the pre-nerfed version of It's Witchcraft so that would open up an extra utility talent slot. And where does the Hope Element come from?

- Tatter's motivation for joining the Lunar guard is because of her parents. It traumatized/pissed her off enough to go after the assassin alone, and join the army.
- The gambling establishment was a total loss of property and money, and it relied on her mother's experience/expertise as a "gambling queen" to function. She could rebuild it, but she doesn't have the required knowledge, and would likely just amass a debt very quickly. Tatter had yet to truly learn the ropes and run it on her own - the inheritance deal, as well as the fiancee, was to motivate her into it.
- The family was targeted because her mother was rich and could have offered monetary support to Luna's cause (especially since she was married to a Lunar soldier). The assassin then would have gone after the heir (Tatter), lest she continue or revive the business (which she can't, but the assassin has no way of knowing this). As for the assassin sucking, he didn't - He killed the fiancee (his first target), the mother (his second target), but the failed a few attempts, before killing Tatter's father, and finally being bested. I can edit the attempts timeline to be over the course of a week.

Chorus does have all her racials, I just forgot to actually LIST the cutie mark.

Hope comes from my Lost Elements of Harmony package; the Element of Hope is Dan approved!

I went ahead and added Flying Ace to compensate for the de-nerfed witchcraft.

Demonu, after that analysis, I'm a tad interested - with some trepidation, admittedly - as to what you think of my own character. Haven't gotten too much feedback...

Hayate: Ah, yes, the rest... I'm a tad busy at the moment (having a netbook on during a D&D session is probably counterproductive, but I can do it), but I'll... work on that. Although, I will have to look into the schedule for the Skype sessions and make sure it doesn't conflict, come to think of it...

Fair enough.

Dusk Raven wrote:Demonu, after that analysis, I'm a tad interested - with some trepidation, admittedly - as to what you think of my own character. Haven't gotten too much feedback...

Hayate: Ah, yes, the rest... I'm a tad busy at the moment (having a netbook on during a D&D session is probably counterproductive, but I can do it), but I'll... work on that. Although, I will have to look into the schedule for the Skype sessions and make sure it doesn't conflict, come to think of it...

I'll take a look at it later today. Got a sheet or is it the spoiler on page 2?

Demonu wrote:

Dusk Raven wrote:Demonu, after that analysis, I'm a tad interested - with some trepidation, admittedly - as to what you think of my own character. Haven't gotten too much feedback...

Hayate: Ah, yes, the rest... I'm a tad busy at the moment (having a netbook on during a D&D session is probably counterproductive, but I can do it), but I'll... work on that. Although, I will have to look into the schedule for the Skype sessions and make sure it doesn't conflict, come to think of it...

I'll take a look at it later today. Got a sheet or is it the spoiler on page 2?

The spoiler it be. It is, thankfully, open to modification at this point.

I've also updated my backstory a little bit, if anyone wants to look at it. Nothing groundbreaking, just goes into a bit more detail.

I'll give it a look after PTB.

Edit: You're having fun aren't you Gyro? Still sounds good, you should come on skype and hang out in the chat group more though.

I know there's demand for that last spot but I would like to put this up.
Canard the "Acquisitionist".
Edit: Added talent spec points, grapple charm and stuff about minions to sheet.

Doc pseudopolis wrote:I know there's demand for that last spot but I would like to put this up.
Canard the "Acquisitionist".

I hate you... YOu got a higher streetsmarts then my crazy pony...

Xel, no hating the entrants.

But I loved the silly thought that THE CRAZY PONY was better with networking then anypony else!

Altered backstory a tad bit more - no more yearly assassination attempts. The concept of the assassin is something like this:

- First bolt works by killing fiancee (first target) - success.
- 2nd burns house down, kills mother - another success.
- 3rd, 4th, 5th fail (targeting Tatter, the only viable heir of the gambling legacy, thus a problem) due to sheer chance, her getting out of way, coincidence, or other "pure luck" - consecutive failures. Each failure probably also frustrates the assassin into getting more reckless.
- 6th would have killed Tatter, but father got hit instead - partial success.
- 7th finally "properly" strikes Tatter, but she shrugs it off.

Assassin's motivation - prevent the gambling legacy from continuing on or being in position to assist Luna with monetary funding. Fiancee, mother and Tatter all leave a chance of this while they alive.
Skills - Low ranked/weak assassin, charged with killing harmless civilians because of it. Only real "trick" is use of lightning. This gets his ass kicked when faced with a Cutie Mark - boosted athletic pony such as Tatter.

In a sense, he succeeds, as the money is lost and Tatter doesn't have the skills to continue (or isn't motivated to do it, she'd rather fight the war now).

If the "bank money" is an issue, Tatter would have probably given it off to Lunar army or one of the non-solar factions (like the CMC, who she can relate to. She doesn't really need it - she can't work in the army as a pampered princess, and doesn't want to continue gambling legacy with a war raging on).

Alternately, it can be actually implemented as a thing via sweet and elite.