Non Sequitur: The Campaign

68) The next utility used in the party is a megaspell.

Roll me a nice one! ((DOUBLE MEGA ULTRA LAUGHTER))

Ghoulish Guise:
53(Still Androgynous
Androgyny (character) immediately changes genders. No exceptions.)
27(Ninjas can’t catch you if you’re on fire
You burst into flame for the next 30 minutes. Creatures suffer ongoing damage if they try to maintain physical contact, and flammable materials catch fire on contact with you.)
21(Demand
The next time you demand something, treat it as though you rolled a Nat 20.
Note: This does not activate if it was a question or polite.)
91(A Wild X Appears!
A creature of DM’s choice appears and starts wrecking up the area where you are for the next 5 minutes. This could be as large an area as a city and as small an area as a building. If there’s no inanimate breakable objects in the area, it shrugs and leaves.[a puppy starts peeing all over the place])
04(Maximized Knock Spell
Every object within 1 mile of you that could be considered “locked” or “closed” becomes unlocked and opened. It remains forcibly in that state for the next 30 seconds.)
89(Banana Peel!
You automatically critically fail your next Precision check. For the next hour, the DM may ask you for an Acrobatics check at any time for standing, sitting, laying down...any reason really.)
95(Explosive Runes
The next 4 pieces of writing you read has an added note at the bottom, which states “I prepared Explosive Runes today.”
The writing then explodes, dealing 3d4 damage to you and half that amount to any others near you.)
29(Scary Mask
You find a wooden mask which bears what seems a horrified pony face on it. Once per day, a pony-esque character wearing the mask may act as though they had a free use of the Terrify racial trait.)
60(Re-examine Family Tree
You are now distantly related to a character of DM’s decision. This may provide bonuses or penalties on interactions with them as DM sees fit. [Dandelion])
90(Bland Stan
The DM picks either up to 4 racial points worth of racial traits you have, or 3 utility talents you have. You act as though you did not have the chosen traits or talents until your next extended rest.[do this randomly to yourself])

Nope[Ramsus]:
43(A group of hyper-intelligent mice bear arms in revolt of their oppressors (everyone who isn’t a mouse). )
38(You gain scissors that can cut through red tape, one use only.)
25(A random NPC shows up with the right tool for the job and solves the problem.[uuuuhhh...])
55(Radscorpions!)
36(The mane, tail, coat, and eyes of every party member become rainbow in hue.)
77(Time Turner shows up and gives the party a yellow flag. If the party collects three of these, the player who rolled the third is side-lined until the next extended rest.)
04(Everyone in the party gains a large static electric charge.)

Nope[AProcrastinatingWriter]:
09(The roller gets a pair of Moonshoes. When worn, Moonshoes decrease Stealth bonuses by 3 and increase Acrobatics bonuses by 5. They take one minute to put on or take off. After being taken off three times, the Moonshoes disappear.)
50(The roller may cheat on their next dice roll.)
88(The next time anypony in the party eats something, they are subject to food poisoning.)
94(The party receives a tub of glue (not made of horses, don’t worry). The glue only has two uses, but each use can be as large as a house or small as a matchstick or anything in between. Each use will dry harder than concrete…though only last as long as until it gets wet.)
63(A bulldozer appears from nowhere, an invitation to a grand ball taking place last week attached to the steering wheel (which of course normal bulldozers do not have). Eating the note will send you back one week to said grand ball. You return to the time and place that you ate the note after 24 hours.)
12(The next NPC you talk to starts spewing an endless supply of booze from their mouth, and cannot close their mouth of talk. They do not, however, suffocate or drown.)
45(The sky opens up and aliens invade (precisely two UFOs, but they are advanced, and decidedly invading). The party’s current objective thus shifts rather dramatically (probably). They leave after 1 day. Each time this number is rolled, two more ships show up than last invasion.)
14(The party gains 1000 extra gold each to spend on items the next time they level up. Why? No reason.)

Sugar Rush:
17(Party loses ability to speak)
28(Party loses 5 hp)
50(Pants Party- caster gains pants, everyone’s invited.)
44(Gala- Checks to gain/lose fame or favor)
39(Party gains temp invincibility)
96(Uncontrollable urge to dance)
15(Caster becomes crystal clear)
74(You get humped)

Androgyny:
25(Everyone in the party randomly switches their personalities around, Freaky Friday style! Lasts for 10 minutes. Each player controls a different player’s character for the duration.
[Xel: Ghoulish Guise
Jack: Sugar Rush
Lapis: Griffon guy
Fluffy: Mad Nopony
Quietkal: Androgyny
Deonte: Blackberry])
24(Oatmeal? Are you crazy? You become covered in oatmeal.)
54(Love and Tolerate. Target creature now considers you a trusted ally.)
90(Summon Sparkle Sparkle.)
39(You kick back in a sufficiently badass manner. You suddenly feel like ingesting lots of coffee and hardboiled eggs. A number of witty quips and sarcastic one-liners spring to mind, and you keep an eye out for any suspicious-looking dames. You gain 30 Hardboiled Points.)
22(Roll twice and apply both effects.
6]WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! For no reason whatsoever everypony in your party gets double speed for the next ten minutes!
58]You become nauseous. You must succeed a DC 20 endurance check to feel better again. )
90(Summon[ a second] Sparkle Sparkle.)
99(SO CLOSE! Have some real consolation cake. It’s the most delicious cake you’ve ever tasted. Too bad it’s tinged with shame.)

Nope[Fluffy]:
51(The next utility used in the party is a megaspell.)
100(F.U.N. - Roll on every table at once, and take all results.
[Propeller Hat of Feel Good
~A character of DM’s decision within 7 meters of you finds a beanie hat with a propeller attached to the top. It confers a +2 morale bonus to the finder for the next hour, provided they wear the hat. At the end of the hour, the propeller activates and it flies off into the sky.
A random NPC near the party goes into labor - even if they are not pregnant, or are male.
The sky turns green for d10[9] posts. Everypony currently engaged in something (and able to see the sky) will roll a d4 and will be distracted from doing anything but gawking for a number of posts equal to the result.
Summon a Artillery Friendship Cannon
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! For no reason whatsoever everypony in your party gets double[quadruple because second roll] speed for the next ten minutes!
Stinky - A flock of skunks fall in love with you and follow you adamantly.
A swarm of butterflies descends upon a random nearby creature and carries them away to places unknown. At least places unknown within about a kilometre or so, they're not tireless.)
36(Roll again on the previous poster’s Table.[All fashion is set to the late ‘80s. This does not necessarily mean the 1980s.])
53(Tada! It’s gone… - The party becomes completely invisible and magically undetectable for the next 1d4 hours.)
66(That number, tho… - Roll laughter again. If the result is a 6, you must declare that you “lost the game” in character and a puppy somewhere dies. If not...use the re-rolled effect.[I cast flare! ...I EXPLODE!  - Pull a Robert. You explode in a pretty (and pretty big) blue fireball setting everything within 50 feet of you on fire.])
43(Roll again on the previous poster’s Table.[For the next post you make in which there is dialogue, you must write your character’s line in Comic Sans. In addition, until your next extended rest, you have a -2 penalty to all Athletics checks.])
48(Oh, hi! Bye! - You and random creature[Sugar Rush] within 4d20[33] feet switch places.)
49(Racial Inequality - Target random creature within 100 feet. For the next day, if they have wings, POOF, they’re now gone. Alternatively, if they don’t have wings, POOF, they now have a pair.)

Mad Nopony:
22(The griffon turns into a Mini-Pony, about the size of a skunk, for about ten minutes. (GM’s Choice))
55(Random party member becomes a ghost for the next 1d10 hours. Their body disappears until the end of that time, when it reappears wherever the spirit is. The only way for the ghost to interact with the physical world is with Laughter, and they have infinite uses until they solidify. While they are a ghost, they can turn invisible and fly with maximum maneuverability. For the 10 minutes after they solidify, they are immune to fall damage.)
53(Flash of inspiration! You know how to solve the current problem... And can be seen from orbit by the flash.)
55(Random party member becomes a ghost for the next 1d10 hours. Their body disappears until the end of that time, when it reappears wherever the spirit is. The only way for the ghost to interact with the physical world is with Laughter, and they have infinite uses until they solidify. While they are a ghost, they can turn invisible and fly with maximum maneuverability. For the 10 minutes after they solidify, they are immune to fall damage.)
59(Choose another Laughter Effect that the GM allows, that one is triggered right away.)
77(Choose another Laughter Effect that the GM allows, that one is triggered right away.)
91(Mad Nopony gains an extra free use of Laughter for today, this free use if not spent before the next extended rest.)
10(Roll a d100, then a Laughter Effect from another party member’s table happens. (GM’s choice to whose table)[Next creature to speak becomes high.])