Derp Quest: The First Muffin

"ATTENTION RESIDENTS! I REQUEST PERMISSION TO ENTER AS I AM HERE FOR A JOB!" a rediculously loud voice announces.

The Warrior of Many Faces wrote:"I'm here for that First Muffin thingummy. Same as you, I'm guessing. Speaking of which, I'd like to forfeit the monehy you offered in exchange for having access to the muffin when I need food," Kogu informs Ditzy.

"Oh...that makes sense." Falls then squeaks and jumps at the rediculously loud voice and looks about wildly for a source.

"MROWWW!" Kogu yowls in a startled manner, getting on two legs into a fighting stance that would have worked very well for a human but looked ridiculous on a cat.

"Just a mo," your host says, moving back to the door (knocking over a muffin pan on the way).

"Hi! Come on in, I've got another muffin pan coming out," she says, inviting the petite hippogriff inside.

"That leaves one more applicant! A baby dragon, I believe," she announces as she pulls out the muffins, offering one to the newcomer...

"Hmph. You really shouldn't startle people like that," Kogu says huffily, eyeing the muffin pan and wondering if he could get away with snagging another muffin or two.

"IS THAT A TALKING CAT?" the quite frankly tiny Hippogriff (she was even smaller than the freakin ponies!) shouted in surprise, causing the building to shake a bit. "Hahem, my appologies. I have a bit of a…control issue when surprised. I'm Thundering Flute and my talent is public speaking, especially to huge crowds."

"No, obviously I'm a talking hamster," Kogu gripes, rubbing an ear with his paw. "I wonder if me going Super Siberian sounds this annoying to anycreature else."

Falls squeaked again before shrinking back reflexively from the hippogriff. "goodtomeetyouI'mcascadingfalls."

Dash it! I just had to dream of a hoard of gems, didn't I? Grigok thinks, sprinting towards Derpy's house. Hadn't been for that badger I probably would still be dreaming. "Hello, I'm *wheeze* here for the *gasp* job." He says in an out-of-breath, squeaky voice, knocking on the door.

"An overapologetic pegasus, an overenthusisastic hippogryph, and now an oversqueaky dragon? This is gonna be interesting..." Kogu mutters.

Colter Bolt wrote:Dash it! I just had to dream of a hoard of gems, didn't I? Grigok thinks, sprinting towards Derpy's house. Hadn't been for that badger I probably would still be dreaming. "Hello, I'm *wheeze* here for the *gasp* job." He says in an out-of-breath, squeaky voice, knocking on the door.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know you! You're..." she pauses, trying to remember his name after opening the door. "Grigok! You helped with a mouse infestation once! And now you're helping again, that's sweet."

"Anyways, now that you're all here," she begins, drawing in a breath, "I can explain the situation a little bit. You all know the story of The First Muffin, I presume? Good, I won't repeat it. Well, it turns out that it isn't just a story. It's real, I can prove it, and I know exactly how to go about looking for it." She pauses, letting this set in.

"One minute," she asks, trotting off to some secret corner of her house. After quite a bit of crashing around, she returns, holding what seems to be a thick piece of plastic with a thick denim cover. As she sets it on the table, you see the front of that cover...



She opens the cover, revealing a screen on the inside. A sort of title page appears:


"You're never gonna believe this," she states, "But on my move here from Cloudsdale, my hot-air balloon crash landed. A lot of my stuff was ruined, and I hurt a wing too; I was stuck, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do about it. And then some complete stranger comes along. A white stallion with a mess of orange mane, comes and sets the wing straight, and gives me this," she pauses, reminiscing on the occasion. "Said I would need it later. So, I walked to the nearest town, got some help with my stuff that didn't get busted, and finished the move. I had figured out by then what this does."

"Guide! What is a hippogriff?"

The screen suddenly goes blank for a moment, before revealing a wall of text.

"Read aloud, please!"

"Hippogriffs are an exceedingly rare cross-breed between a Pony and a Griffon. They are generally looked down upon by Griffons. They are generally accepted by Ponies, however. They are also generally not hostile unless provoked. Hippogriffs are omnivores, able to eat most edible matter. No predominant preferences are known at this time.

Sensors detect at least one Hippogriff within walking distance. A conversation with her is suggested for more information. Warning: Subject is not of a typical size for a Hippogriff. Approach with caution. Not responsible for misinformation arising from this fact. Also not responsible for hostility arising from inappropriate references to size."

She pauses a moment, letting the implication set in...

Provoked in 3…2…1…"Not typical size!? Stupid book I aut to rip your spine out and…and I'm threatening a book."

"No no, go on, Miss Hippogryph, I'd love to see how one would rip the spine out of a book," Kogu smirks. Naturally, being a talking cat on a planet full of talking ponies and being in the room with a talking hippogryph and a talking dragon, the talking book wasn't the talking-iest thing he had ever heard. So he skipped the astonishment phase and defaulted straight to the snarking.

"NO!" Derpy exclaims, shielding the book with her body. "The Guide is priceless! As far as I know it's the only one in the whole world! You mustn't damage it."

Falls, having just stood quietly, chewing her muffin, spoke up. "This magic book is cool and all, Ditzy, but...how does this prove the existence of the first muffin?"

Derpy breaks into a grin. "Guide! What is the First Muffin?"

"The First Muffin is exactly what it says on the tin; the very first Muffin ever made.

The First Muffin is reported to never 'go bad'. It is also reported to be indefinitely edible; whoever possesses the First Muffin has access to an unlimited food supply. Finally, it is reported to change it's miscellaneous properties according to the preference of the one attempting to eat it. These effects were purportedly achieved by an unknown draconequus.

The First Muffin's whereabouts are known only to The Muffin Mare. A conversation with The Muffin Mare is suggested for more information."

"Who is The Muffin Mare?"

"The Muffin Mare?"

"The Muffin Mare!"

"The Muffin Mare is a title held by a long line of bakers, who have traditionally lived on Drury Lane, though there are exceptions. The current Muffin Mare lives in Fillydelphia, on Drury Lane. Her real name is unknown; The Muffin Mare assumes the title as her name, abandoning her previous identity until she should pass it on to someone else. The current Muffin Mare is well known for running the annual Muff-a-thon, a charity event in which bakers attempt to make 2,600 muffins in as little time as possible."

"You see?" she says, with an excited look on her face. "All you have to do is go to Fillydelphia, talk to the Muffin Mare, and convince her to tell you where the First Muffin is. How that'll work, I don't know, you'd have to figure it out."

Rather than comment, Kogu took the opportunity to grab another muffin telekinetically while everycreature was distracted.

Stealth Check:

What muffins? The tray is empty. Flute stands next to it, her chees bulged like a squirrel. "Bat? Ah et ehm ahm anrah!"

(Translation: What? I eat when I'm angry.)

"Dagnabbit, I needed that food!" Kogu mutters in an annoyed fashion.

((It's a silly campaign, the dice are going to act silly.))
Falls looks at the single bite of muffin she still has and holds it out to the cat with a sheepish grin.

"Heh," Kogu says with a slight smirk, levitating the bite of muffin to him. "You're alright. Thanks."

Kogu used Bite!

It's super-effective!

Foe Muffin's HP was drained!

Foe Muffin fainted!

Kogu gained 182 EXP!

Falls smiles in reply, before turning to the grey pegasus. "Is there...something else to this? Not that I'm not happy to do this, but...it just seems like 4 ponies is a bit much for a trip to Fillydelphia."

Flute swallows with an audible gulp. "Excuse me? Only one of us in this group happens to be a pony. So rude."

"Yeah, and none of us are the same size as you anyways, so I dunno how you made that mistake," Kogu yawned.

Yes, I realize exactly what Kogu just did. He's not exactly good with the social graces, but then again, he is a cat.